I can text with my tongue
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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