I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
