I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
