You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
