Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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