Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
