there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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