I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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