apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
