you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
