I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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