we have officially lost it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
