I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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