So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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