if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
