God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
