I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
