so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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