Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
