life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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