tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
