whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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