the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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