First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
