Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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