Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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