I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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