My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
