You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
