what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You can't special order awesome
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
