I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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