i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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