Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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