the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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