She's JV to your varsity
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
