kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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