I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
