dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
