i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
