the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We need a shit load of segways right now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
