did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to align my fucking chakras
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
