D3 body, D1 cock
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
