HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
