just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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