Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
