remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
