who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There are leaves in my underwear?
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