i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
