Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
