the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
