my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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