Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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