I smell stomach acid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
