then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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