Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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