I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
