His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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