Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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