don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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