Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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