According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
