if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
