Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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