So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
