Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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