Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
