he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
