God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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