There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
