obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
