Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
