Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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