You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I understand Curling. That high.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize